


we did not change as we grew older; we just became more clearly ourselves

by CallMeBombshell



Category: X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-15
Updated: 2012-02-15
Packaged: 2017-10-31 05:44:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/340575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CallMeBombshell/pseuds/CallMeBombshell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He can't help feeling, sometimes, though, on the days where his body changes the most, if maybe one of these days it won't change back the right way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	we did not change as we grew older; we just became more clearly ourselves

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the [A Softer World Multifandom ficathon](http://roslindi.livejournal.com/7412.html).
> 
> Prompt: _when we die, we come back different, like with greener eyes or as some far off star_

It's not the first time he's done something that should have killed him. Hell, it's not ever the first time he's done something that should've crushed him, shattered his bones, shredded his skin, spilled his guts across the floor and sprayed his blood across the walls.

Sometimes he still gets hurt, even now. he's not completely in control of his powers, even though he knows everyone else thinks he probably is. But he hasn't found his limits yet, if he even has any. So he keeps testing, keeps pushing, keeps trying new things. Sometimes he's not as quick to adapt, or doesn't adapt quite enough; sometimes his skin changes wrong, becomes slick when it needs to become tough, or his eyes change so he can see in the dark but they're not protected from debris. He's gotten scrapes, bruises, even fractured his arm once. But he's always bounced back, always healed up, faster than he would've otherwise, and then he goes right back to it.

He can't help feeling, sometimes, though, on the days where his body changes the most, if maybe one of these days it won't change back the right way. Sometimes he wonders, if he had to change too much, would he even know how to go back? Sometimes he wonders if the changes aren't permanent, his body constantly adjusting itself, constantly changing in ways that he'll never be able to explain with a textbook.

Sometimes he swears he can feel it happening, stopping suddenly in the middle of a room and wondering if his height has changed because his perspective seems wrong somehow, or wondering if he's always been able to run this fast without his powers, or see this far without trying, or if he's always been able to discern the individual scents of each dish at dinner from several hallways away.

He stares at himself in the mirror some nights, wondering if his eyes were always this shade of brown, if his fingers have always been this long, if he's always had that scar on his shoulder. Some nights he just stares at himself and wonders what other people see when they look at him, if the eyes he's seeing are just the ones he remembers, wonders if he's really even the person that he thinks he is.

He catches Alex's eyes on him sometimes when they're training, like he's watching to make sure Darwin changes back in the end, and sometimes he'll keep watching after, catching Darwin's eyes at meals or when they're hanging out, and Darwin always resists the urge to find a mirror and check himself over, worried that his eyes are a different colour, or his skin has somehow changed, worried that his abilities are changing him without his notice.

"I'll tell you if it ever happens," Alex says once, out of the blue, appearing at his shoulder and looking at him sideways. Darwin blinks for a moment, surprised, because he didn't think that Alex had telepathy, but then he figures maybe he hasn't been as subtle as he though, and with powers like his, he can't be the only one wondering if they won't someday get loose on him. After all, Alex is a master at that particular worry, himself. Makes sense he'd be worried for the rest of them the same way.

"Thanks, man," Darwin says, smiling slightly, because for as much as it still scares him, it's good to know that he's got someone to watch him back, no matter what that back is doing at the time. Alex nods, like he wasn't certain Darwin would approve, or let him, or something, because Alex is still weird about things like that sometimes, but he's getting better about other people, about letting them in, about letting himself care about them. Darwin smiles wider and reaches out, letting just his fingertips brush across the front of Alex's shirt.

"I'll always have your back," he says, and thinks, _And nothing can change that._


End file.
